My
journey to Now...
You may want to skip to the part about my name, my eyes or my Guide Dog, Jupiter.
People often ask me how I came to be where I am now, wherever that may be. < smile > The simple answer is that I have learned how to take the apparent lemons in life and turn them into delicious lemonade. I've learned that there are no mistakes in life, only opportunities for growth.
There are some spiritual paths, I have heard, that involve what might be called "initiations". These "tests" are believed to create character and bring the disciple closer to enlightenment. These "Rites of Passage" are deliberately painful and taxing to the body, mind and soul.
They are intentional and do produce powerful results.
I have come to understand my childhood in these terms. In all my years of working as a therapist, I came across very few clients with a childhood history as filled with terror as mine has been.
I know the meaning of severe depression, unbelievable
trauma, torture and even death. During my years of depression I would
cry and ask God, "What is this all about?" The answer
became clear. "You will have answers for people on so many levels,
because you will have been there." I am happy to say, I have
been through the tunnel and out the other side and I know the way, in
fact I now know some really great short cuts!
My inner world, known to some as imagination but to me is quite real, is what kept me alive in some cases as a child. I would experience Jesus holding my hand as I showed him all of the houses I had lived in. By the time I had showed him all of them, the particular torture or abuse would seem far away. I also learned to see with my internal eyes because my physical eyes couldn't see. I needed to know where my father was, he was dangerous. I had to keep up with him so he wouldn't sneak up on me. I never imagined how powerful these lessons were at the time. They were survival techniques. Now these skills have become powerful healing allys for my clients.
Finally, I grew up and left home. I married way too young and for all the wrong reasons. I was incredibly depressed and wanted to be dead more times than I wanted to live. I thought having kids would make me feel loved. I had four beautiful kids. Their presence triggered my own childhood abuse, and I had no way to know how to love them or nurture them. I was determined to break the pattern of abuse. I went into therapy and into college to become a therapist all at the same time. I would often laugh to myself as I wondered if I would ever be healthy enough to offer healing to others.
The day finally came when I finished school and therapy all about the same time. I went to work for an agency and had a private practice on the side. I knew I was good at my work. I knew I was healthier than many therapists even then. I knew I felt frustrated at how long the process took, not only with my own healing, but the healing of my clients.
In the meantime I had outgrown the father of my kids, we divorced. I continued to grow and heal myself. I learned more and more about spirituality and dared to wonder about such things as angels, guides, Tarot cards, meditation and the like. I had evolved in my spiritual growth from the fundamental Christian church I had grown up in, to the spirit filled churches, then to eastern religions and on into the New Age movement. As I grew in all these areas I began to understand that the line between therapy and spirituality was almost invisible, except that the mental health profession didn't agree with me.
I had worked many years to become a licensed therapist. Now, it seemed more of a curse than a gift. The licensing board and many other therapists were so strict on even discussing spiritual issues with clients that I felt stifled and blocked. I finally let my hard-earned licenses fall away. If I had learned nothing else along my path I knew that if I ignored my heart, I would be miserable.
Then I met the love of my life, Phil. This was no accidental meeting! I manifested this man. I was determined to find someone who knew how to grow and how to allow me to grow. I would settle for nothing less. We knew within only a few days of talking on the phone that we were meant to be with each other.
We met through the Internet, and he soon bought a plane ticket for me to visit him 1500 miles from my home.
We have been together ever since.
We had much to catch up on with each other, things we had learned we quickly taught each other. Then we met Vianna and attended her DNA workshop and Theta Healing certification trainings. Since then, we feel like we have been on a rocket ship! I now have more answers to help my clients. I can work over the phone, so I'm not limited to only those who can be with me in person. We are an amazing team: he is a researcher of bio-energy science and spirituality and a builder of companies, and my talents are found with people and energies. We are both on our path and our paths have integrated into a prism of adventure, Light and Love.
I honor your path which brings you to cross mine.
Marlana
My name is Marlana, no... not the name I was
given at birth... and ... no... I'm not going to tell you that one...
<smile> I changed my name several years ago because I had worked
through so many childhood issues I felt that the person I had grown into
needed a different name.
I went to visit my Guru
in the ashram in New York and asked her to give me a new name. I was just
a bit nervous because I had heard two things about her giving names to
people: Even though it had been a tradition for years, she had stopped
giving names to people because they wouldn't really use them. Secondly,
I was afraid she would give me a name that was impractical to use in my
every day life... like her's... Chidvilasananda..... <whew>.
I decided that she would know that I needed a name... and if she would
know that, then she would know I needed a usable name, and she did both!
She named me "Mira" pronounced with
a short "I" as in Mira Mira on the wall. I was so surprised
at the uh... well... shortness of this new name that I just stood in front
of her with my mouth open and asked incredulously... "Mira"?
She said yes, after Mirabai.
I knew enough about Mirabai to know that I had been given much more than
a word for a name. I spent the next year preparing myself and those around
me for changing my name legally. I decided to spell it my own way... with
"bye" as in "bye bye", to try to make it a little
easier for people to say just by reading it. Most still don't get it right
the first time, but once they do get it... mmmmm they respond very nicely
to the sound and feel of such a beautiful name.
Changing my name is one of the greatest things I've done for myself. I doubt if most people ever know how really hard it is to tell friends and family you are going by a different name. It's much harder to change a first name because that's what people associate with you.
Many visitors to this page have written to ask me how they can change their own name. Here's what I tell them: You can get name change forms on the net, quite easily. Each state has different procedures to follow in order to change your name legally. It is not a real big deal. Just fill out the forms, take them to court, answer a couple of verbal questions by the judge just to make sure you aren't trying to hide from creditors... and you're done. The work comes later when you have to get all new identification papers. You can learn all about it just by doing a bit of searching on the net.
Yes, I am legally blind. I see about a tenth of what most people see. I was born with cataracts. They were removed many times before I was two years old. I have had about a dozen eye surgeries. I have always seen about the same as I do now, though I do think it may be getting slightly worse with age.
It is hard to describe how my vision is because it is constantly changing. I can see much more if the light is coming from behind me than if it is in my face. I can see better if the contrast is very distinct. I have never quite understood if my vision would be blurry to you if you suddenly saw the world through my eyes. I think it would be though. I have talked with people who have experienced going blind over a few years and they say it is like looking through wax paper.
I have only recently realized, in the past few years, that I cannot distinguish what I am seeing with my physical eyes and what I am seeing with my psychic eyes. I just know that sometimes what I think I see isn't there when I reach for it, and sometimes I think I see a person a certain way and it isn't even close to what they physically look like... yet as I get to know that person I discover that I saw them as they presented themselves on another plain.
Here's an example of that: Phil, my husband, told me I would be meeting a man later on in the day, and all I knew was that he was a healer of some kind, I had no other information at all. Awhile later the man was there and I shook his hand, and he spoke to me. I heard him speak with an Indian accent... Dot not feather kind of Indian.... And he had a turban on and his skin was very dark, his energy was soft and sweet and I instantly wanted to be near him and ask him deep spiritual questions. I took all of this in without much thought... I usually get streams of information whenever I hear a voice on the phone or touch someone etc. Phil and I walked out to the car to go on to lunch with plans to return later.
Phil asked me what I thought about the healer. I told him my impressions only I didn't describe him physically since I knew Phil could see him just fine. We ate lunch and Phil asked me again what I thought of this man... I almost became impatient as to why Phil would ask me about this man again... then I said something about his skin being very dark... and Phil was puzzled and said, "but his skin is very pale... white" I argued with him and said of course it was quite dark, and reminded him of his accent. Phil said there was no accent, this man is quite American. Then I wanted to know about the white turban on his head.... there was no turban.
I was so convinced of what I had seen and heard, I was amazed at how different it was from what Phil described. I knew I had to be seeing this man with my Inner Vision more than my physical vision. I was so glad to learn that this healer was coming back again later on that evening so we would get to spend some time with him. I was amazed and a bit disappointed when I met him again... no Indian accent, no turban, no dark skin... not even all that great to spend time with. I finally decided that I must have seen him when he was coming directly from a healing session and that maybe he was channeling someone that I picked up on and that's how he did his healing work. I don't have any other answers to it, I just know that situations like this one have happened many times throughout my life and only now am I finally understanding what's going on.
I know that seeing with my physical eyes is something that I would like to experience, and maybe I will... this is one of the main reasons I became interested in Theta Healing and working with the DNA. Because my eye condition is hereditary, it is in my family and therefor in my DNA. So far I haven't figured out how to heal myself. I have experienced changes in the last months; sensitivity to sunlight and my psychic vision has increased ... now things seemed to have stabilized. I am in a space of openness to find the combination that will bring my vision to 20/20. Yet, I can honestly say... I know that this work is real even if it doesn't apply to my eyes. I know it has worked for other issues with me and that's why I keep working with it with myself and with others.
I know that having low vision all my life has pushed me to see in other ways. I know that I do see in great detail what others may miss. In fact I have worked with Scripps Integrative Medicine Department to create a workshop all around teaching others to "see" energy. The Healing Touch program is prevalent there, and they were ecstatic when they discovered that I could see the energy they were teaching people how to move and balance with patients. I am making a name for myself...
"The blind lady that teaches others to see."
Jupiter
is my Guide Dog. He's a yellow Lab. He weighs 61 lbs and was
two years old on Sept. 19, 2001.
He was trained at Guide Dogs of America. We graduated from school on Aug. 3, 2001.
Before I knew which dog would be matched with me and become my Guide Dog I had a dream... or maybe I should say a visit from Jupiter. I was sleeping soundly and I woke up with a start as I saw this yellow lab come right up into my face. I recognize his energy, and the dog in my dream was exactly the same color. Yellow labs have been far and few between at the school lately. There was only one other yellow lab in my class and he was a dark yellow. I have no doubt that Jupiter visited me before I knew him on this plain.
He is a peaceful and loving
soul. He stops for curbs, helps me keep my balance, is my back
up when we cross streets and my excuse for talking to myself when
there are no other humans near me. <misty smile>